Parenting…
My son asked me during the week: “What if parents were the kids and the kids were the parents?” Ding! Ding! Ding! That question took me out for a moment. But isn’t that the reality in some cases?
Parenting is hard. If you are a parent you know how true this is. There’s no gain saying, it is what it is. Parenting is adulting and adulting is not easy. That’s why I am not surprised when I see some Tee shirts read: “I don’t feel like “adulting” today.”
That’s just the truth. Parenting is akin to a ministry with you being the minister of the ministry…and sometimes, people are not just feeling it.
So this post is not for you to judge your parenting abilities or disqualify yourself as a parent but to discuss what is prevalent in today’s world (though you need to always have a self check from time to time to make sure you are on top of your game).
Let’s face it, there’s no perfect parenting, no perfect skills or perfect parents and having kids is fun don’t get me wrong. It’s the greatest blessing ever, to see “mini yous” running and rolling around. And it’s even more interesting or intriguing as they grow older into adulthood (depending on your individual circumstances).
Related: 5 Ways To Get Your Child To Love School
We all know children have different personalities- even those born by same parents and in the same home. So before beating yourself up asking if you are doing it correctly or start comparing yourself to your next door neighbor or friend who seem to have it all together, realize that you are doing all you can to be a good parent and that’s all that matters.
A parent’s role is meant to be just that one thing -parenting…but too many a parent have turned to children and children (not adult children taking care of their aged parents scenario), have taken the position of their parents in thoughts and decision making.
Related: Fun Indoor Activities To Do With Your Kids
Children generally have no direction, values or any moral compass except that which you show them. A 5 year child could come to you as a parent and say: “Mom or Dad, I want a car, I need a car, can I drive a car, can you get me a car?” Any parent who knows how it’s going would tell the child “No you cannot”. The child may yell, shout, roll in the mud and may not understand why he or she can’t have the request.
Kids will be kids. Let them be…kids.
As a parent you explain and guide the child as to why the child cannot have that which has been requested. And this same principle applies pretty much in every other area of their lives as well. You serve as a guide for your children because you are older, they are innocent and don’t know any better. Above all, you guide them because you are their parent and they are depending on you to do just that and be there for them.
Parents parent.
The fact is, a child is free to ask or desire anything. Just like adults, children are also humans – little humans. They have emotions and desires too but it’s not a must that they always get what they want or get away with things (especially those that we know could be detrimental to them or have dire consequences for them on the long run).
It is our job as responsible parents to know where to set the boundaries in knowing when to say “yes” and when to say “no”- and be firm about it. This key of firmness of response is however, the greatest challenge of parenting.
Related: Why Family Dinners Are Important
Life itself doesn’t always reward with a “yes”. We all realize as we grow older that life is not fair don’t we? If that be the case, why indulge them?
The fact that a boy child likes the color pink or a doll or plays dress up doesn’t automatically translate to the fact that because he shows interest in these things, he is now a girl and because a girl child likes soccer or football, she is no longer a girl but a boy (It’s funny but as a matter of fact, the part of the world where I am from, a girl who shows or acts unfeminine is simply called a “Tomboy” and nothing more. I actually grew up with a few who are now happily married with kids) and neither is the child something else because the child says so.
Why should a little child tell you as a parent who they are or force you into taking decisions that are beyond your pay grade?You are not just another adult in the room but their parent which is a huge responsibility. Think about it, you birthed the child and raising the child is something you would give account of sooner or later. That alone should make any parent shudder.
Get: The 5 Love Languages of Children
When you discipline or say “no” to your child, that does not mean you don’t love him or her. You may hate to say “no” and wonder why that ever has to happen but you need to remember that you need to do it no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
When you say “yes” to them especially if you do it all the time, it also does not necessarily mean you love them. “Yes” does not mean love and saying “no” does not mean hate. All you need to do is to strike a balance between the two, with the future of your child in mind. This is how you avoid being burnt out as a parent.
Take the quiz with your child to know their love language.
Parenting: Why Discipline A Child?
Some parents believe that disciplining a child or taking away their privileges means you don’t love them. That’s not true. Yes, you could choose to let things go but not all the time and choosing to do this, is not child abuse either as some erroneously think.
Children need to be corrected. So you don’t choose whether or not to discipline them based on how you feel, but discipline them for this one simple reason: to preserve them.
Kids are like blank slates when it comes to some things and you as a parent have the golden opportunity to write on that slate by what you say and do.
They do not understand how or why they were born let alone know why they are here either. That’s why at some point in their developmental years, they start asking deep questions like “How did I get here?” “How was I born?” “Why do people die?” “When people die where do they go?” “Why do bad things happen to good people?’ “Why do good things happen to bad people?” and things like that.
However, asking these questions does not mean dumbness. Kids are some of the smartest set of people you could ever meet. Trust me, they know where to get you and how to get you. They watch your every move and know your weaknesses especially when it comes to parenting.
The good thing as a parent is that you have the power to tame them early. However, if you don’t use it at those early stages, you lose it. If you allow yourself become the child and the child becomes the parent…there is fire on the mountain! Unfortunately in this case, you cannot run.
Take Away
Children need guidance and as parents we shouldn’t fail them. As a matter of fact, the fear of failing as a parent is one of the real life fears people face. So you are not alone if you feel this way. It’s absolutely normal to feel this way. Just make sure you show up in your rightful place and are there for them in every possible good way.
They need you to lead and steer them in the right direction. It’s hard but try to do it right so at the end of the day you can look into your child’s eyes and say : As a parent, “I have done all I can to set you on a path to succeed in life”…and then sit back and look forward to reaping the fruit of all your years of labor over their growth and development.
Bonus points:
-There’s no one size fits all or a manual for parenting. Just like marriage, you just take it on the whim! You wing it as you go.
-Some say it takes a village to raise a child but I need to add that it doesn’t just take a village, but a GOOD village to do so.
-A person who is a bad influence on a child knows it.
-You may not know who is a bad influence on your child except you are discerning. Spoiler Alert: It does not always have to be a stranger or a friend, it could be a very close family member as well.
-Children learn by watching and are greatly influenced by what they see and hear.
Who is your village, tribe or support system in helping to raise your child?
