How do you cope with your inlaws especially when they are younger than you?
Family dynamics are different for different families and some family relationships especially with extended family could be the best or worst thing that could ever happen to you- depending on how you handle them.
Coping with and having respect for older inlaws could come naturally for the most part to most people.
However, relating with inlaws in some marriages could be harder when they are younger than you.
You may find that many times, you wish you could address some issues you feel are important to you but at the same time you want to love on them and not offend anyone- including your spouse.
You love your spouse, you love your family and you love your inlaws (even though you butt heads sometimes) but you are willing to make things work.
So let’s say you are a mom of a newborn and a set of 2 year old twin toddlers -who drive you nuts, you try to keep everything under control and manage everything around you to keep you sane.
Coupled with that, you are trying to figure out how to handle the loss of a loved one and you are yet to get over the shock, pain and the emotional turmoil that comes with it. You are filled with grief with no healing yet in sight. Everything around you seem to be crumbling because of the hurt you feel deep inside but you manage to keep your head above the waters.
Suddenly, you realize your inlaw is coming to spend some time with you.
You ask yourself if you are ready for another bout of emotional roller coaster because of your current state of mind and you don’t know what to think.
Should you jump for joy that help is coming your way or should you be saddled with the thought that more responsibility is coming your way? How would you cope with your inlaws especially if they are overbearing?
You are thinking “this should be good because I am older and my inlaw is younger” right? Wrong. Well, some of the time it could be, but certainly not all of the time.
As you journey along, things happened and you’ve now found your self in a situation with your inlaw, which you have tried earnestly to avoid-to choose between not been hot headed even though you want to so bad and pleasing your spouse. You know you need to strike a balance but you don’t know how.
So how do you cope with inlaws younger than you especially if you think they are a handful or get you raving mad?
Related: Living with your daughter or son in law
Let’s dive into it:
1. Let your boundaries be known
See what you don’t like? Speak up in a friendly but firm way.
How do you do that?
By leading the way. Show example by doing what you expect your younger in law to do. Yes, I understand some people can be very tough even if you do that, do it anyways.
Don’t expect everyone to be like you or to reciprocate your good will. We are all wired differently and that is okay.
2. Be consistent
Continue to be you and don’t be wavering in what you believe in. Both your personal and family values are valuable to you.
Don’t compromise your family values but be willing to give some concessions where needed because your in law is only with you for a short time.
3. Speak Up
When you speak up on an issue, don’t make a big deal out of it even though it’s kind of a big deal to you at the moment.
Take some few seconds while in the moment to think “Would this be relevant in the next let’s say two weeks, one, two, three, four, five, six months?” Don’t ruin a long term relationship with your younger in law for something temporary.
Also remember that there’s probably already a trigger based on your state of mind before the matter ensued. I am not saying you should allow yourself to be disrespected but just ask yourself, would this really matter next week?
If the answer is no, then let it go.
4. Avoid physical altercations or any verbal exchange by all means
Some times, your silence is golden. You do not need to have a response to everything that is done or said either to you or your child.
You need to have some quiet moments. That way, you are not so predictable. Be patient.
Physical altercation or verbal exchanges does not look good on anyone. Remember you are the older one, act like it.
5. Eliminate high expectations from your inlaws
Yes, lest you be disappointed.
If you think because your inlaw is younger than you, he or she is there to help you with all the cares of your world, you might be wrong.
If they are helpful to you, that’s good and if otherwise, you are okay too. Appreciate them for it because they are not obligated to.
Also, if you have low to zero expectations before they arrive, you already have your heart in a good place and you won’t be hurt, if you feel you aren’t receiving any support of any kind from them.
6. Overlook things with your in laws
Overlook things that can be given a pass and do it out of a good heart. Don’t be carried away by every move or action that comes from your in law especially if he or she is an adult that can make their own decisions. They are old enough to take responsibility for their actions and decisions.
Don’t nag them, let them be.
7. Forgive quickly and move on
When it comes to your younger in laws, do not hold on to things not worthy of holding on to. Let it go. Forgive. After all, family is here to stay and you learn to deal with them because you are stuck with them.
Why are you stuck with them? Because they are going no where.
8. Love on your your inlaws
Younger in laws could be fun to be with, if you allow them some space and also give room for some understanding and love. Spread the love, let it go round.
Be happy.
Bonus Tip
You can apply these in coping with all of your inlaws whether young or old.
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