“But…but…you suggested it…”Situations arise when someone is at a cross road trying to make a decision but can’t just make that decision. The next thing that happens in such cases, is to seek opinions or feedback from others in order to navigate through it. Many are weary when situations like this arise and they are the ones right at the center of it because of this one singular reason: The blame game.
Such people take a quick moment to think about what the impact of what they are about to say could have in the long run: “Should I give my honest opinion of what I think or would this land me in the hot mess of “You suggested it” if things don’t go as planned?”
They keep their fingers crossed and give their opinion with the hope that things don’t backfire and all goes well on the long run.
Sometimes, things turn out good at the end but at other times, it doesn’t.
So what happens when you have given an advice, thought or opinion you believed was good and which the other person also thought same at the time, but things fell apart at the end of the day?
Related: 5 Natural Ways To Manage Your Anger
It might be a good thing if you personally like to give your candid but valid thoughts on how things should go or how things could be done better.
However, if you have now found yourself at crossfires with your spouse, date, sibling friend or colleague as a result, and wondering how to get out of the “You suggested it” blame game, these are 6 things you could do to avoid such a situation next time:
How To Avoid The Blame Game:
1. Hold your thought
You know your friends and family better than any one else and as a result, most likely know what they like or don’t like.
Do not suggest to them what you know they likely won’t want to go for or do, no matter how badly you want to share it or how awesome it would be if your opinion is taken and carried out. Relax and take it easy.
Don’t don’t try to impose things.
Hold that thought.
2. Feel the atmosphere
Is this the right time to suggest what you want to suggest?
This is particularly true if a decision has to be made spontaneously but it doesn’t necessarily behoove on you to personally make that decision or have a say in it.
You want to gauge the atmosphere of the conversation to make sure that what you are suggesting is actually a viable option and one that would not lead to regrets on both sides at the end of the day.
3. Give an opinion you can defend
Is the opinion you are giving defensible?
When push comes to shove and things backfire in the end and you get the blame for your opinion and its outcome, would you be able to defend it without having second thoughts? Or would you be boxed in a corner wishing you could take your words back?
Give only opinions you can easily defend without any gainsaying or back pedaling.
4. Check your intent
Why are you suggesting what you suggest?
Your intent or motive behind your suggestions should be good. It shouldn’t be selfish or one that would solely benefit you at the end of the day.
If your suggestion benefits everyone in question, it would be easier to avoid any blame game if it arises because you can easily show how the decision was to benefit everyone concerned.
5. Give your suggestions as options
Let your recipients know what you think but give them the opportunity to decide what to do at the end of the day.
Leave your opinion as an option they could decide to take up or not. Drop a hint and leave it at that.
You could also put some caveats to your suggestions by implying that they would be solely responsible if they choose to do what you suggest. Don’t force or impose anything on anyone.
6. Be quiet
You could simply be quiet or communicate that you have nothing to say about the situation at hand if you truly have nothing to say.
You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. You have the power to remain silent, you could decide to use it.
Bonus Tips:
-If suggesting or giving your opinion to others has landed you in a hot mess times too many (even though your intentions are good) and you are not sure of what to do about it, take a break and try to give your opinion only when asked and absolutely necessary.
-Don’t get offended when you give your opinion and it is not taken up or followed.
-If you are the one on the receiving end of an opinion that ended up going awry for whatever reason, instead of having a blame game show down or finger pointing, take responsibility for your final decision. Don’t hesitate to take ownership for your decisions whether or not it was suggested to you by others, because it was only a suggestion, and you could have turned it down when you had the opportunity to do so.
-If you love giving your opinion on issues and situations and also enjoy the feedback you get, continue to do just that and don’t look back regardless.
-Don’t find faults, find fixes.
