Gas lighting. Perhaps you have been or are currently in a situation where you question your own sanity not based on what you see but on what you are told.
You see things the way they are and you are told those things are not the way you see them. This has nothing to do with whatever it was that is being referred to, but simply a means to manipulate you into thinking you are not seeing things correctly and you may or may not know it.
Does this define what you are currently going through?
Gas lighting is a level of hypnotism not done through diabolical means but by mere words- words though subtle but powerful enough to brainwash and delude an unwary victim.
It could be from people in your inner circle or outside of it-Lovers, friends, colleagues or by someone in a position of power or authority. It’s an intense form of delusion that breeds room for self doubt and a high level of insecurity.
Related: Are You Being Used? 12 Signs That Tell
“What? You mean that’s black and not white?…but I thought it was white”. “No, it’s black can’t you see? Take a closer look”.
Don’t be deceived by conversations like this because the more you look, the less you will see. The aim of the manipulator is to make you doubt your senses, what you feel and even have you deny your very existence if that were possible.
If you have people, around you who treat you this way, there are some things you can do to stay on top and in charge, so you don’t lose your mind.
But first, how do you know a gas lighter when you see one?
Related: How To Preserve What You Cannot Afford To Lose
8 Ways To Know A Gas lighter
1. They always want to be in control
A gas lighter is a control freak who wants to control everything about you, around you and basically take over your entire life. They give you no room to make your decisions for your own life or things that pertain to you.
2. They are sleek and cunning
Cunning people are very deceitful and mischievous. They make it difficult for you to predict what they will say or do next.
You can be caught unawares in their next moves and when you are, you are left unsure of how to react to it. The effect of your lack of response however, gives them more power over you.
Related: Are You A Victim of Monkey Branching?
3. They are great manipulators
By this, I mean they handle things and people skillfully. It’s an art they have mastered overtime.
They exploit and are great users of their victims. They also some times commit acts of domestic violence against their partners in the process.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, you could contact your closest family court to seek a restraining order. This is to protect you from dating abuse, sexual violence and domestic abuse or assault.
If you are in danger of abuse by your manipulator, you could also contact your local authorities by calling 911 before things escalate or refer to no silence, no violence a non profit organisation that helps women and men overcome the stigma, trauma and psychological effects of domestic violence or contact relationship expert, Jessica Yaffa .
4. They are liars
They exaggerate, distort the truth or give partial or half truths about different situations and they do this repeatedly so much that you can’t keep up.
5. They never apologize
They never express regret for things they have done to you or ask for forgiveness when they have wronged you. They do not take your feelings into consideration no matter how much you cry or how broken you are.
6. They are insincere
They don’t express genuine feelings. They could fake sadness when they are actually happy and happiness when they are sad. You can’t really tell where they stand by merely looking on the surface because they are two faced.
7. They make you feel guilty and put the blame on you for everything
They take you on a guilt trip and make it all seem it’s your fault. This is something that could leave you confused because you don’t really understand what’s going on.
8. They disguise to be on your side when they are actually against you-and they do this for their own selfish benefit
You may think they are fighting your cause but the truth is, they don’t really care about you. They do what they choose to do for their own pleasure and they see to it that you have no clue about it.
And why would they choose you to be manipulated?
8 Things Gas lighters Look Out For In Victims
1. Gullibility
They believe you are gullible and would believe any and everything. You are easily persuaded and they see this as a great advantage and use it to their own benefit.
2. Indecisiveness
They know you have no mind of your own and you are prone to changing your mind so easily. They also know you can’t seem to make up your own mind in taking firm decisions or any decision at all so they take advantage of it.
3. Emotional Instability
They know you are emotionally unstable and easily swayed so they play with your emotions and don’t mind or care seeing you cry.
4. Validation
They know you seek validation from others – and they are willing to say or do anything to give it to you to your own detriment.
5. People approval and acceptance
They know you love people telling you who you are (even if it’s not true) and you also crave people acceptance to make you feel good about yourself.
6. Weakness
They believe you are weak and can be easily bullied. Bullying is one of their best weapons. It gives them so much power to wield over you.
7. Helplessness
They believe you are powerless and helpless and they can take advantage of you for their own gain.
8. Easy manipulation
They believe you can be easily manipulated and they can get away with it.
Now what can you do about it?
7 Things You Can Do If You Are A Victim Of Gas lighting
1. Be assertive
Be assertive in what you believe in and be confident in how you express it. This is very important. Your confidence and assertion is seen as a threat and it also shows you can no longer be fooled.
2. Stand Your ground
Make your stand clearly known so no one takes advantage of you. Nothing hurts bad like regret in hindsight of not doing the right thing when you could have done so.
3. Double check
Don’t believe everything you are told. Do your own research, enlighten and educate yourself. There is nothing wrong in questioning what you are told for you to get to the bottom of it.
4. Go after the truth
Seek to know the truth by yourself and for yourself. Once you know the truth, it sets you free from deceit, lies and your manipulator.
5. Be sincere with yourself
Don’t lie to yourself by deceiving yourself that a lie is truth and the truth is a lie. Don’t be a victim of yourself.
6. Be bold and stand up for your self
Reject the lies-no matter how many times you are told. Even if you are standing alone in what you know, still stand. Don’t cower or bow to their whims and caprices. It will only hurt you in the end.
7. Have a voice of your own
Don’t be drowned and remain in the place they want you to be. Just Say “NO” and be loud about it. Walk away if you have to.
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