Apology not anywhere in sight?
John Doe is not sorry. John Doe is proud. I read an article recently discussing a situation where someone was wrong but rather than apologizing, instead doubled down with their friends applauding their indiscretion while others shook their heads at the ridiculousness that just happened right before their eyes. Ha!
This is a continuation of an article I wrote some 3 months ago on “Forgiveness in Relationships”. You could take a look at that article before continuing with this one or you could read on and check it out afterwards.
Let’s dig in…
When situations arise, people react differently. Some take steps to correct the wrong they have done while others become more resolute. Yes, people thrive in controversy as much as others thrive when there’s peace. Different strokes for different folks.
Having an argument isn’t the problem (that happens quite often) but it’s more about how such argument is resolved than what actually ensued. But what do you do when someone hurts you deeply but refuses to apologize even when they are wrong and they know it or they turn the facts of the situation around to suit their own narrative or still yet, pick and choose your words only to make themselves look good about the situation or themselves? Or worse still, make themselves a victim of the situation they created by themselves and then turn around and make you the villain…? That’s one tough, terrible cookie but you’ve got to chew. Right?
Have you been hurt, with no apology forthcoming or maybe you don’t expect one at all from the one who has hurt you (because of who they are or have chosen to be) What do you do?
When An Apology is Not Expected or Forthcoming:
1. Analyze the situation. Sieve the situation and try to see things from an outsider’s perspective. This could be a hard thing to do because you are in the middle of the whole thing and this might prevent you from being objective but once you can analyze the situation and you see that you are not the one in the wrong, you are on to a good thing.
2. The person is wrong, knows it and not sorry, now what? Circumstances like this arise and sometimes it’s just beyond you. At this point, you need to remember you only have control over yourself and even sometimes, that’s not a 100% control- lets be real. Have you found yourself in a situation where you reacted in a certain way and you were like: “What was that?” “Where did that come from?” Yes. You did not know you could react that way. But you did. If that be the case, how much more the control of others actions and behaviors? You can control yourself but over others and their decisions, you have little or no control. So pause before you proceed and when you do, proceed with caution.
3. It’s true when they say where there’s strife, there’s pride. Admit that apology would never come. Deal with it by allowing yourself feel the pain. When you do this, it is easier to release it and then is the time you can truly begin heal from your wounds.
4. What goes around more often than not comes around. The seed that has been sown would definitely germinate and bring forth fruit. Without you lifting a finger, the natural order of things always has its way of balancing things out. Some call it Karma. The law of sowing and reaping. You sow the wind, you reap the whirl wind. Let it do it’s thing.
5. Move on. If you are at peace with your own words and actions, the burden is not yours to carry. Lay it all down, let it go and move on.
Take Away
Choosing to forgive and not letting somebody else’s action determine how you feel and what you do or how you react, frees you to live in peace. Your Peace of mind is priceless.
The saying : You can’t give what you don’t have is so true. Once you understand that others aren’t always capable of giving what they didn’t get themselves – love, kindness, nurturing, acceptance and physical affection, it becomes easier to forgive them.
Do you need to apologize to someone in your life- maybe a friend, colleague or spouse? Go ahead and take the apology plunge…it sets you free.
Enjoy!
