“The friendzone is so much fun”…said no one ever…
Have you heard the saying : “she’s so fine…I can’t stand her.” (or him)? The fact that a person is attractive or you find yourself having feelings for him or her doesn’t necessarily mean you are meant to be dating or that you would be compatible as lovers.
No matter how much you wish the reverse was the case, there are some people you feel you would really get along with as lovers but the opposite would be the case if you actually do.
Talk about a disaster in the making!
Related: 10 Clear Signs He Is Not Interested In You
So…what exactly are you feeling? A crush, physical attraction, love or being relegated to the friendzone?
If you think you are in the friendzone, how do you know?
Wonder no further.
The friendzone hovers when you think you have feelings for someone and you let your feelings out only for you to hear things in the lines of : “I like you as a brother or sister…you remind me of my cousin…I can’t go out with you. It’s just not possible.”
It could also be that you’ve found yourself in a situation where the person you are interested in, is simply oblivious of the fact that you could be a potential in his love life.
Yes, you meet all the specifications he wants in a lady and he even tells you about these specifications and how he longs for a woman to fill this space while you are right there!
“Ouch! Is he blind?? I am right here!” You say to yourself and you feel like screaming it straight into his ears to get to the depth of his soul!
Yes, you have just being friend zoned!…but the sky is not falling. No, it will not.
So since the sky is still intact, what happens next?
Move on, try again or get stuck somewhere in between?
Your feelings might well be all over the place and you may feel you can’t live or do without him but some people are just simply put off by the mere thought of a dating gesture when you are just friends.
One question to consider which is a fear most people have when in a friendship and you desire something more than what you currently have is, “Do you think you can still be friends after making your intentions known? Would this step make or mar this beautiful thing you both already have going on? Are you about to jeopardize your friendship with this close friend of yours?”
Because of this rough uncertainty, is the reason why you just might need to thread softly if you want to keep being friends with the lady or man in your life who you are beginning to have deep feelings for.
Related: Platonic Relationships And How To Keep It That Way
If you believe you can still be friends after making your intentions known, go ahead and don’t hold back.
If you are in a limbo and are unsure, but contemplating on taking a risk and letting out your feelings however, you should expect one of two things and until you are ready for that, it’s best to remain at the friendship stage with your friend:
1. To be accepted.
2. To be rejected.
You asked, the answer was a yes! “I had been waiting for this all along! What took you so long?!?”
Awesome!
Great it ended that way. Nothing better than that. No worries and you both live happily ever after.
Yay!
Related: 20 Subtle Signs That Show He Likes You
But what if your gesture is flat out and blatantly rejected?
Uh-oh…
This is where things get really awkward but the assumption is that you are ready.
Right? Right?
So if you are rejected, can you really still be just friends? Or would the person become easily irritated and want to be far away from you as much as possible or may be even totally end the friendship?
Ish…
If your friend feels sorry for you and how you feel because she doesn’t feel the same way you do, you may be lucky to still remain friends.
It could be brutal giving your all to another person while secretly hoping they get the message that you like them but instead of loving you back or even try to, they continue to enjoy all of the attention and care.
…And any unwillingness or readiness to reciprocate the friendship with same level of affection and love you have for a friend very dear to you, is pure torture and hurts really bad.
It is a very tricky situation to be in. The heart bleeds when you have unrequited love.
Period.
If you have found yourself in the friendzone, and you feel there’s still some form of hope for a deeper level of relationship to grow from what you both already have, you could:
1. Give it time if you are in the friendzone
“…But I want to say something about how I feel…and I want to say it —Now!”
This may sound like it’s not what it is and until you try, you don’t want to back down.
Take things easy and try not to push things too hard. Your friend may have been taken aback from where you are coming from and probably wasn’t expecting to hear what she just did from you.
There is hope even in the friendzone. That one desire of yours to be loved by your friend so bad, could still happen even though it doesn’t look like it right now.
You could give her some time to process what was relayed to her. She just might change her mind.
Never say never.
2. Be Scarce when relegated to the friendzone
Yes, become a rare “commodity”.
Give your friend some space and time to process what’s going on. For someone who wasn’t expecting the unexpected with your friendship, it is normal to want to take a step back to understand how the dynamics of your friendship is about to be impacted or changed. When you are away, your friend may find out how much they might not mind actually going on a roll with you.
3. Be open to whatever happens to your friendship
From then on…
Whatever turn your friendship takes, be ready to push through and make the very best out of it. You should be comfortable with the outcome and respectful of your friend’s decision no matter how hard it is to admit.
Life must go on.
Take Away
Sometimes the best way to get out of being in the friendzone is not to be in a situation that will lead to that in the first place; just remain friends and all will be well.
… And guess what?
Being friendzoned might actually be a good thing if things don’t turn out the way you envisaged. You might just be saving yourself some heart aches by the person actually friendzoning you especially if your relationship would be heading for the rocks as a result of your incompatibility as lovers -though this wasn’t the case when you were just friends.
Don’t you think?
Food for Thought
Why do we fall in love with those who don’t love us back? Why is there such thing as unrequited love for heaven’s sake?
Is the friendshipzone keeping you languishing in the twilight zone?
*sigh*
Bonus Tips:
-There can be a “love transfer”. You don’t have to feel stuck in the friendzone, you can find someone else who is ready and willing to love you in return. Don’t talk yourself out of it.
-Finding someone else takes you out of the friendzone mentally and emotionally.
-Allowing someone else who loves you as much as you love him or her (or even more) into your life, gives you succor and great relief.
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