We are humans and we get angry. I get it. Some times, we feel justified when we do but most times we are not and we know it. Yes, the person you are crossed with probably deserves the fire and brimstone coming his or her way-or so you think. But after the rain of fury and anger, do you sometimes cuddle up in a corner wondering what under the heavens just happened and why you reacted the way you did?
You know you can do better and could have handled things differently but things just went out of control and…(fill in the gap).
It’s okay.
People get angry over things both significant and insignificant ones and while in some cases, some are proud of their ability to get angry and rain down fire and brimstone, others are sober way before it even all starts.
Anger is an emotional outburst that erupts in an instant and could escalate quickly if not well contained.
It has led many down the path of therapy or referral to anger management sessions because of the way they react to people, things and situations. It has also led some people to jail for different reasons including on the charges of manslaughter.
Manslaughter in legal terms is a killing in the heat of passion. A passion so strong that it has the ability to kill and did kill because of sudden reactions to tense situations in the spur of the moment.
Though manslaughter is a form of murder on a lower scale and doesn’t lead to the same length of jail time, it still endows the offender with a considerable length of time in jail and that’s not funny.
Do you easily get angry? What gets you angry and what do you do at those moments? May be you are an expert at keeping your cool. Awesome! We all aspire to do that but seriously, anger is bad and the effects or results that could emanate from the acts of anger could be devastating.
You don’t want to be a victim.
Trying to keep it all together when it seems your nerves are high up in rage could be a daunting task but these are 5 natural ways to get out of anger and help you avoid the negative effects that could destroy your relationships – or keep you out of legal cases.
Related: 9 Ways To Resolve Conflicts With Your Spouse
Let’s talk:
1. Step aside
You may badly want to stay back to give a piece of your mind to the person you are angry with because you feel you would never get a chance to do that ever again.
“Oh my goodness! This is my chance to blurt out all I have wanted you to know all my life! Now or never! No retreat, no surrender! Now, is my season to shine!”
It’s a lie. Leave that environment immediately.
While it’s hot and boiling, while everybody is losing their minds and heads, when the situation is becoming too toxic for you to bear is exactly the time to walk away. Leave to avoid things you never planned or intended.
Your choosing to remain in that environment may lead you to begin to say or do things that could lead to regret down the road. Leave -and briskly too.
May be you are reading this and asking : “What if I don’t want to leave?” -If you choose to stay back in that uneasy environment, ensure you watch what you say and do if at all you choose to say or do anything.
You could make silence your watch word. Though you are not talking, silence in itself could be a response depending on who you are dealing with. The severity of the situation you are facing, should also help you decide what’s best for you to do at that moment.
Remember however, that you only have control over how you react but you have no control over what the other person can say or do to you.
2. Cool off
Now that you have left that toxic environment, it’s time for you to calm down and decompress. This is not a time to think of ways to take revenge or plan a strategy to tactfully pay back.
Scheming at this point or trying to think of negative things you could do, can’t be good because of your current state of mind.
Re-group with your self- if there’s anything like that and dissociate yourself from what’s getting on your nerves.
3. Think about what made you angry
A quick inner reflection to the rescue! Breathe in and out. Settle down. You- are- angry-and -you -know- it -but you -shouldn’t -clap -your -hands.
No, not yet.
Try to process your thoughts on the root cause of your anger and see the point at which you got triggered. Was it what someone said and the way they said it or what someone did and the way they did it?
What made you lose your cool? You need to narrow down your thoughts and fish it out.
4. Find out how you could have handled things differently
Now that you know the root cause of your anger, ponder over what you could have done or how you could have handled the situation differently and try to implement it next time.
If you can prevent or avoid the situation from happening all together, even better.
5. Think of solutions and what to do next
Everything was chaotic. People were losing their minds, it may have even been with your spouse this time.
Take time to think of solutions not just for yourself but for the other person as well. Do you need to apologize or talk things over about how you feel? Go ahead and do it.
Bonus Tips:
If you see a need to apologize which might be likely, these are some factors you should keep in mind when doing so:
Timing: You need to be mindful of the timing when you discuss what happened. A time may feel good to you but you need it to be good for the other person as well.
Is this a good time or place you feel the person will be ready and willing to listen to you? You do want to get it right so you can get a good and receptive audience to what you have to say.
Mood: You need to be able to sense the mood by the totality of the circumstances. It may be a good time on the surface but is the person cranky or tired?
If the person is not in a right mood, you won’t be able to achieve much in the conversation. So ensure you choose a good mood which sets off a tone for a good and meaningful conversation.
Tone: The content of your conversation is as good as the tone you use in expressing it. If you know you want to truly apologize, coming off as defensive or using an accusatory tone is not going to deliver to you the results you want to see.
Be calm in expressing what you have say and your recipient would most likely lend you listening ears.
In-Person conversation: You may feel talking over the phone to apologize might be the best alternative.
This however depends on the situation and the person with whom you want to have the conversation.
For couples, it is best to talk to your spouse face to face. This gives you the opportunity to talk at length especially since you wouldn’t want your words misconstrued or taken in the wrong direction.
If it’s with others, like friends or acquaintances, may be a phone call will do.
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