Have you ever found yourself feeling guilty for saying No? I have…but not any more because of these alternatives I am about to share with you.
Many times we go out of our way to lend a helping hand to others even when it’s inconvenient for us -which is not a bad thing. We just love to please our friends so they don’t get mad or crossed at us for not doing what they want us to do.
We want to remain in their good books even when our world is falling apart to our own detriment, when it hurts us so bad or it feels like a heavy load we barely can bear but we still choose to carry it anyway.
Another possible reason for not wanting to say No even when it’s feels like a lot, is because we want to foresee into the future at what could happen when the table turns (if it does for any reason) and we are the ones who need a helping hand next time.
The thought of the response we could get beckons and we become afraid of the endless possibilities; a case of tit-for-tat.
Saying No is hard, no doubt but if it’s beginning to take a toll on you because you are biting more than you can chew, it’s high time you learnt how to say this two letter word and do so effectively.
Related: How To Overcome The Guilt Of Having An Abortion
If you struggle hard to set boundaries to maintain your own sanity with too many requests or you are feeling burnt out but you don’t want to communicate it directly, this post should help you navigate your way through, without you or your friend feeling bad.
You may be reading this and wondering, “But really, why should saying No be such a big deal anyway?”
“Saying No shouldn’t be that hard, it should be so easy to roll over the tongue and I just walk away!” Yes, it should and yes, you could- but only if you are able to strike a balance in your choices and do so effectively, which is an art in itself.
By having mastery of this, you not only increase your level of productivity, but also help your friend’s situation better than what it was.
Let’s make the world a happier place by saying No the right way. So what are the alternatives you have to saying No instead of saying it out rightly?
Alternatives to saying “No” And Not Feel Guilty:
1. Give options that don’t necessarily have you in it
In other words, give other options that don’t have you in the picture.
There are many avenues to achieve a particular goal. Giving viable and reasonable alternatives upon a request you personally cannot handle, could go a long way in helping the one making the request.
You could give other good alternatives through which the same goal can be achieved- that your friend would actually love or may be even prefer. It’s a win-win!
One thing though, you need to be thinking on your feet especially since you know you are about to turn down the request. Don’t linger in giving these alternatives so your friend doesn’t get discouraged before you get to them.
2. Give these options as suggestions
You could make suggestions and make them even more attractive by not just suggesting but connecting them with others you know can help or wouldn’t mind taking up the offer themselves.
You however, shouldn’t come off as being overbearing, commanding or snobbish. You want to give your friend the ability to think through your suggestions and make a decision if they want to take it up or not.
3. Be empathetic when giving the options
Being on the receiving end of a supposed rejection especially when the person requesting has no back up plan, could be hard and disappointing.
You need to show that you understand their plight and know how they feel. You also need to show you are on the same page with them while politely turning down the request.
This gives you a soft landing because the receiver is most likely receptive at that point to accept the response you have without any hard feelings.
4. Don’t feel guilty or bad about it
This last one is actually for you. Now that you have said No, the tendency is to beat yourself up feeling bad that you just turned down a request and thoughts of whether or not you’ve offended someone begin to flood through your mind.
Don’t go on a guilt trip. If indeed you have done all you could but just couldn’t make it work, it’s best to let it go. There’s always a next time-if you are up to it.
Bonus Tips:
#1. When saying No, you don’t have to turn down every request. You can always say No politely only when necessary and that’s okay.
#2. It’s okay to say No to your children some times. Delayed gratification helps in child development which is good for you as a parent. Don’t feel guilty about it.
