Marriage is a beautiful thing no doubt but there are things that could make it the ugliest thing that could ever be.
These things really have nothing to do with the marriage itself or what it stands for, but they come from human errors. Love before marriage is indeed superb but could be blinding sometimes. Nothing else matters to you when you are in love – at least for the most part. You could be so much in love, that you throw caution to the wind. It’s that powerful. However, marriage tends to be an eye opener at the end of the day.
It always has a way of doing its thing.
Marriage brings together the husband and wife and at the same time infuses both families too. Many couples tend to forget that part till that reality sets in after they’ve exchanged their vows.
Oops! That’s not how we act, that’s not how we greet, that’s not how we eat, that’s not what we eat, I don’t give money to my parents, that’s just not how we do things! No! no!..
Really?
Apart from these challenges marriages face and there are myriad of them, let no one tell you otherwise, racial, tribal and cultural differences between spouses is one that also puts a strain on marriages which goes beyond the couple themselves but to the extended family as well. Everyone feels the heat, everyone is stressed out.
Managing your relationship or marriage with racial or cultural differences at play, all day, everyday is no child’s play.
Let’s get real.
Spouses often come to court with so many regrets on how they had made a mistake in choosing who to marry and need a divorce because of irreconcilable differences – this is one of the grounds for divorce in courts where a couple want to part ways because they can no longer see a head way in the marriage.
Many of these issues could however have been avoided if they had taken time out to process the different ramifications or possibilities of how things could turn out in the end before going into the marriage. They could have also channeled ways to successfully manage or navigate through it without being hurt at the end of the day.
So what are some of the things you should consider when going into a marriage with differences in culture and background with your spouse to be able to avoid these family drama:
1. Societal prejudice
Depending on the part of the world you are from and how open the society accepts inter racial marriages or tribal and cultural differences.
Yes, this is external and has little or nothing to do with you as a couple, but it could either make or mar your marriage. If you and your spouse are not yet ready to tackle this form of external influence in whatever way you think works best for the both of you, you need to.
2. Mixed Identity or backgrounds
Explaining to your kids in one voice as a couple, about their mixed identity or blended backgrounds and also answering their questions about what society thinks of them is important.
How they see you and your spouse or how they see themselves and feeling comfortable talking about it, is key to the success of your marriage.
3. Blending both extended families
This really has little to do with you as much as how you handle the relationships, holidays and visits and what you do on such occasions.
Infusing both cultures as one, could take a bit of work but you may be lucky if your family is very open and embraces your spouse’s culture. If it happens that way, it could just be a walk in the park.
4. Language
If your language is different from your spouse’s, you might need to be ready to learn the language so you don’t feel left out of conversations when communication is carried out through that language by other members of the family.
That way, you also don’t have to worry about someone saying things you don’t understand either about you or some one else.
5. Compromise
Compromise is one of the key ingredients of any marriage but it’s even more important when you are merging two cultures.
As you begin your marriage journey, be ready to shift grounds where need be. Be willing and open to things that would make situations around you better and easier to deal with.
6. Love
When you get married, you marry your in-laws as well.
No matter how hard a pill that is to swallow. Look out for signs and red flags to see if your relationship with your in laws would be a key issue in your marriage before going ahead.
As you chose to love your spouse when you met, choose to love his or her family as well. There are no two ways about it.
Be accepting of them if you want to enjoy your marriage and have peace in your home.
Bonus Tip
If you are well prepared before hand, you might get lucky enough to avoid some of these pitfalls and heartaches in your marriage because of the differences between you and your spouse’s background and individual belief systems.
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